That bitch needs a shave!  Actually it’s a dude, a very pretty one at that.  Anywho, this 500 pound inmate claimed to have hidden a gun in (wait for it) his flab!

George Vera, a prisoner at Harris County Jail in Texas, told a guard that he had an unloaded 9mm hidden in the folds of his flesh.  Can you imagine what else he was hiding in there?  There are probably micro-villages that developed from the bacteria in his flop sweat.  What other goodies is this man hiding?  Does he keep Lara Flynn Boyle warm at night?  Is he really a land manatee or should we try to keep him moist?

Anywho, bright light over here was originally arrested for selling bootleg CDs and all that fun stuff.  He was searched and the gun was never recovered.  He is like a human couch with the way things get lost in his skin cushions.  I take it during sex he’s a total bottom.