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Let’s face it, we all know that Phillies fans are assholes.  Case in point is the douchebag who threw up on a 11 year old girl.  Yeah, it takes a big man (literally) to shove two fingers down his throat to induce puking so he can douse an entire family with burrito, hot dog and stomach juices.  Bravo!

However, one comes to pause when a 17 year old Phillies fan gets tasered for running onto the field during the 8th inning of a game.  Is it because his fellow douchebag comrades in arms have ruined base running for the rest of the fans?  Probably.  Or is it quite possible that people from Philly are assholes when they get together in large groups?  Yeah, definitely.

When stadiums have to put a jail in them in order to contain “fans”, that’s when you know your fanbase are assholes.  So what is it about Philly that makes seemingly normal people turn into frothing at the mouth dipshits when they get together?  Now I know some people are pissing and moaning about the use of excessive force on what they construe as an innocent act of joy.  What they forget is that the kid is a Phillies fan.

Now I’m not a bleeding heart Mets fan.  Quite the contrary.  I’m a die hard Yankees fan (even when they sucked in the 80s and early 90s).  I live close enough to Philly that it isn’t much of a trip to get there (about a half a tank of gas).  So I have experienced the douchebaggery in person.  Last year I went to a Social Distortion show, and a normally laid back Mike Ness actually had to tell people in the crowd to knock it off.

We all know that they have a long history of dickatude.  There was a beating death of a fan in a parking lot, there was the chick who tried to trade sex for World Series tickets, and let’s not forget the Peter Griffin look alike that I mentioned earlier.

No one really knows why people from Philly act the way they do when they get together.  However, I hope for the kid who ran out on the field that he took a moment while laying in a pool of his own piss that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t act like a Phillies fan.

You stay classy, Philadelphia.

Desperate much?  The spokesman for Oxycotin, Rush Limbaugh, put his potato of a foot in his mouth yet again.  You would think that after a catastrophe such as the oil rig explosion in the Gulf Coast that homeboy would take a couple of days off before spewing his regular diarrhea of the mouth diatribe on his unthinking dittoheads.  Nope!

Here’s the douchebag’s theory on the explosion:

I want to get back to the timing of the blowing up, the explosion out there in the Gulf of Mexico of this oil rig. Since they’re sending SWAT teams down there now this changes the whole perspective of this. Now, lest we forget, ladies and gentlemen, the carbon tax bill, cap and trade that was scheduled to be announced on Earth Day. I remember that. And then it was postponed for a couple of days later after Earth Day, and then of course immigration has now moved in front of it.

But this bill, the cap-and-trade bill, was strongly criticized by hardcore environmentalist wackos because it supposedly allowed more offshore drilling and nuclear plants, nuclear plant investment. So, since they’re sending SWAT teams down there, folks, since they’re sending SWAT teams to inspect the other rigs, what better way to head off more oil drilling, nuclear plants, than by blowing up a rig? I’m just noting the timing here.

He also stated that a cleanup effort would be unnecessary.

You do survive these things. I’m not advocating don’t care about it hitting the shore or coast and whatever you can do to keep it out of there is fine and dandy, but the ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and was left out there,” Limbaugh said. “It’s natural. It’s as natural as the ocean water is.

I wonder how the people in Lousiana feel about these statements?  Oh, hell, why not ask his bottom bitch from Alaska and former governor, Sarah Palin, how she might feel about this?  Nevermind, she’s too busy shouting “drill, baby, drill.”

Now that I think of it, doesn’t Sarah Palin remind you of the chick on Intervention who was huffing the dust remover stuff?  Oh I kid the Republicans.

Meanwhile, President Obama has stated that “a massive and potentially unprecedented environmental disaster,” and “BP is responsible for this leak. BP will be paying the bill.”

No matter what side of the political fence you fall on, one thing is clear: we need to get off our dependence of oil in all forms.  The science is there, the problem is we let politics and lobbyists get in the way of real work.  Our best interest as a nation for both environmental and national security would be to find other sources of energy now.

Typical idiot I encounter on a minutely basis

If you’re like me, you can’t walk around outside for 15 minutes without seeing dozens of people wearing The North Face jackets. It’s a pretty fun game to count them while walking to class. This wouldn’t be such a problem if only a few people wore them, but when so many idiots fancy themselves “outdoorsy” when the only extended amount of time they spend outside is walking to class or drunkenly stumbling home from parties, it gets annoying.

Enter The South Butt. This is an awesome parody of all those damn jackets which are apparently of just as high quality. So you can make a statement and stay warm. The catch? This stuff is pretty damn expensive, in the hundreds for some jackets. If they were a bit cheaper I’d already have one by now but since they cost so much, I’m hesitant because I feel like spending so much on something that parodies something that costs a lot kind of defeats the purpose. Oh well, the hats aren’t too much, maybe I’ll try one of those.

So I think it is about time that someone took away Jared Leto’s credit card to Hot Topic and told homeboy to give up the ghost on his shiteous band 30 Seconds to Mars.  Has everyone gotten the emo out of their systems yet?  Are there still hangers on hoping and praying that they can stay in their skinny jeans for another couple of days?  What worries me about this generation is going to be their lack of breeding ability with those sperm squashing jeans of theirs.  Good luck trying to procreate, dipshits!

Now that that’s gotten out of the way, let’s move on to this car crash of an album, This is War.  When you listen to an album as bad as this, one thing comes to mind: Jared Leto must have a small cock to want to make an album that appeals to 14 year old girls who don’t know better about music.  Think about it, all these songs are targeting the Hannah Montana audience who are starting to grow up and branch out into other forms of music.  Well here comes 30 Seconds to Mars with their brand of “edgy” but safe music to the rescue, and the lead singer is so cute too.  This is probably what Leto had in mind when he hit the studio to . . . create This is War.  In a way it sounds as if he is trying to channel his inner Trent Reznor on the track Escape.  It seems like this song is Leto’s failed attempt at his own version of Hurt.  The thing that Jared forgets is that Reznor has talent and respectability in this industry whereas Leto has . . . guyliner and My So Called Life.

Is there anything that saves This is War?  Absolutely not.  All it is is another notch in the belt of a scene that’s destroying the credibility of rock slowly but surely.  When emo started, it was under the banner of hardcore punk.  Now all emo bands are good for is screaming, tight jeans, and Hot Topic shirts.  I would be hard pressed if any of the current emo bands could name one of the founders of their scene.  Pretty sad, don’t you think?  Of course, that’s their M.O.  How about I throw you guys a bone.  Name one Rites of Spring song or even tell me what record label they’re from.  Come on, Pete Wentz, this is an easy one.

At best, the lyrics for This is War sounds like something you would find in a high school girl’s diary.  Leto does little to branch out from this safe little box he has built himself into, and why should he?  He’s making money hand over fist with this dribble. The thing with 30 Seconds to Mars and all the other bands that jumped on the emo bandwagon is that they are forgetting one crucial thing, and any hairspray metal band will tell them this: EVOLVE OR DIE.  Sure you are going to be able to maybe slide this one in under the rug, but your next album better have a different sound or else you will be relegated to playing at county fairs.  Just ask Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot, oh wait, you can’t.  Homeboy od’ed on coke with his wig on the floor of his trailer.  You want to know what your life will be like in this emo existence?  Watch The Wrestler sometime.  In 10 years you’ll be in some shit-hole of a bar talking about the glory days of touring with Fallout Boy while your gut is hanging over the waistband of your skinny jeans.  This is a career changing moment, boys, don’t fuck it up or else a Nirvana is going to come along and show you for what you really are: a pop synth band with no soul and anime hair.

This is War is basically more of the same shit.  You would hope that with an album title like that that there would be some sort of bite to any of the tracks.  I think Jared and the boys found themselves a nice little niche that they have crawled into and will more than likely go down with the ship.  I suppose they tried to branch out a bit by included douchebag of the year Kanye West on the track Hurricane, but it does little to enhance the album.  All in all, This is War is another forgettable album by 30 Seconds to Mars.  It took them about four years to make this crap, and I don’t see one track on this album that saves it from being another annoying Pez dispensing anthem for a generation of lost, Hot Topic kids addicted to bad anime shows based on D.C. Comic characters.  If I said it once, I’ll say it again: wearing hoodies in 90 degree weather does not make you cool or sensitive, it gives you heat stroke.

Should you buy it?  Fuck no.  Should you even download it?  I think shoving a ton of fire ants down your pants would be more beneficial for you.  If you are considering buying this album, I do have a little advice for you.  The first thing you need to do is go out and buy Rammstein’s boxset of Liebe Ist Für Alle Da (Lube is for your ass) and take each pink dildo shaped from the band’s members and shove them up your ass one by one.  Don’t even both with the lube.  Well I suppose if you’re a hardcore emo fan, then you could use your tears to lube them up.  If there are any dildos left over, I suggest shoving them into your ear holes because someone who goes out to buy this shit doesn’t know what music is and shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy it anymore.

Cheers!

Robert Holt wanted to get back at his girlfriend for dumping him to the curb.  So he did what any rational man would: firebomb her house.  It turns out that homeboy was dumped for being forgetful and idiot ends up throwing a Molotov cocktail through the window of the wrong house.  Whoopsiedoodle.

No one was hurt in the attack.